Angel vs. Devil

I think we all know what it’s like to have that internal conflict of good vs. evil when it comes to decision making. Do I eat that 2^nd piece of cake? Should I buy those expensive shoes? If I really dislike my coworker, do I still have to be nice to her? I always figured that this started at an older age, but my son is not quite 2, and I swear that I can look at him and see an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other.

Cole seems to know right from wrong and yet, sometimes, he still chooses to do the thing that ultimately leads to getting in trouble, aka time out. He is normally a really sweet kid, but I can see in his eyes when he is going to do something bad. A couple nights ago, he gave me one of his million dollar smiles… right before swinging and hitting me in the leg. Over the weekend, I gave him some Teddy Grahams in a bowl, and after a few minutes of sitting quietly on the couch, eating them and watching TV, he was all too excited to run over and get me, saying “Look!” Yup, Teddy Grahams spilled on the couch. He did the same thing today with his cereal. Yeah, Mommy is really proud of the masterpiece that is your breakfast on the floor.

It leads me to wonder if he knows the difference, why does he still choose wrong? I guess it’s the same reason adults do. It’s fun. It’s thrilling. We want to see what we can get away with. That being said, sometimes I just want to flick that little devil right off his shoulder.

Accidents Happen

As I said when I started this blog a few months ago, the purpose of this is to chronicle my son’s many little life moments and help me remember things that I will inevitably forget as he gets older. But once in awhile, something else compels me to write. This is one of those times.

As many of you may or may not know, I was in a car accident on October 25^th. It was scary, my car ended up being totaled, but I was lucky to be okay (relatively speaking). Since then I have been dealing with the hassles of insurance companies and finding a new (used) car. Unfortunately, this was not my first accident (or even my first totaled car), but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. After our car accident last summer and then Kevin’s in February (none of which were our fault), I figured I have had more than my fair share.

Then last Saturday came. I was on my way to a baby shower with my mom, sister, sister-in-law and nieces when we were rear ended by a tractor trailer. Like I said, any car accident is a scary thing. Being hit on a highway by a tractor trailer is even scarier. But having my nieces in the car was, well, an entirely different situation.

I remember turning around to see their little faces, filled with fear, not fully grasping what just happened. The time after that went by as a blur as we waited 45 minutes (yes, 45) for the police to show up. When my brother came, we moved the kids to his car, wanting to get them away from the smashed up car, filled with glass. As I carried Marleigh, my 3 year old niece, to the other car, she said to me, “if that boy comes over here, I’m going to tell him to stop bumping cars.” I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry.

After what seemed like hours of waiting, we were back on the road, and Noli, my 4 year old niece, was seated in the back seat, with her head turned around. She told us all that she was going to watch to make sure that no one else hit us. That one definitely didn’t induce laughter.

For us as adults, we understand that as horrible as they are, accidents happen. No one wants to deal with them, but we do and we move on. For these kids, there is no explanation. How can they comprehend why someone would do something like that, hitting our car?

I don’t know how long they will remember this. Or how long they will talk about it. Or be scared to get into the car. I hope it’s not for long. And I don’t know if there is any lesson here. I wish there was. But sometimes it just helps to write about it.

Conversation with a toddler

Someone made an observation to me over the weekend about how we can’t wait for our kids to learn how to do things and then as soon as they start, we wonder why we were so anxious for it. (He put it much more eloquently than that.) Last night as Cole and I drove home together, I definitely got this feeling.

Kevin was running for re-election to the school board, so he had Cole with him at the polls shaking hands and kissing babies all day. It was great to hear from everyone there about how good he was all day. But since he is talking more and more every day, I thought that I would try to get Cole's take. Here is how our conversation went.

Me: Did you have a good day?

Cole: No

Me: Were you a good boy?

Cole: Boy

Me: Yes, boy. Were you a good boy?

Cole: No

Me: Did you have fun?

Cole: No

Me: Did you see Mom Mom and Pop Pop?

Cole: Pop Pop

Me: What about Mom Mom?

Cole: No

Me: Did you shake hands and kiss babies?

Cole: No

(This is when I was just trying to get him to say something different.)

Me: Is your name Cole?

Cole: No

Me: Do you want to go home?

Cole: No

Me: Do you love me?

Cole: No

Me: Can you say anything other than no?

Cole: No

At that point, I gave up. I guess we’ll save the “how was your day” conversation until he is a little older. Or until he stops loving the word no.

Funny Stuff

I love the sense of humor of children. My 3 year old niece has recently discovered a new joke.

“Where do cows go on a first date?”

“Where?”

“To the mooooovies!”

She cracks up every time she tells it. Well, Cole is definitely starting to develop his own sense of humor, and I find it thoroughly entertaining. He makes faces at me, blows raspberries and laughs at everything.  He has always been a typical boy, but he has even started to appreciate “bathroom humor” as burping in my face always produces the giggles.  I think his favorite is to tell me no after everything I say and then laugh. (Not Mommy’s favorite.) His new thing (that I think he picked up from my niece) is that he laughs with his hand over his mouth, as if trying to hold it in. (This one I do love.) I just wonder how they learn humor. Sure, sometimes I think he hears people around him laugh, and I know that my laughing tends to egg him on, but there are other times that I just don’t know where the humor comes from. I mean, who told him that passing gas deserves a chuckle?

One of his jokes last week- riding home with his hat covering his eyes and looking around

Big Cousin

So many things amaze me about children in general, but more specifically about my own son. (Naturally.) Most recently, I was struck by his sense of instinct and compassion.

My sister-in-law and brother were blessed with a beautiful baby girl a couple weeks ago, so Cole is now a big cousin. I was curious to see how he would be around someone smaller than him. There are a couple of kids younger than him at day care, so this wouldn’t be his first experience with a baby, but I don’t usually get to witness his reaction. I know he is a good kid, but he can get a little hyper and rambunctious, so I knew that I had to be on alert.

As we arrived at the hospital, I tried to prepare him for what we were doing. I told him about his new baby cousin and how she is little and we have to be nice around her. I’m sure that he didn’t really understand much of what I was saying, but it made me feel good to set the standard.

We went up to the room and waited for the baby to be brought in from the nursery. I don’t know what my nieces Noli and Marleigh (4 and 3) were thinking when they saw her, as they seemed a little hesitant, but Cole got very excited. He shouted, “Baby!” over and over again and smiled and giggled and tried to get near her.

Again, I was a little worried that he would get too excited, leap out of my arms, and jump on top of this tiny newborn. So I held on tight and let him look from afar. But eventually we had to put him down and he ventured over to check out his new cousin. He instantly calmed down. He was still excited, but he didn’t shout or jump around. He smiled and leaned in to kiss her little face and he stroked her gently. It was as if Cole knew how small and fragile she was, and he reacted just right. I think he would have kissed and hugged and touched his new cousin all night if we had let him. We could all learn a thing from my 1 year old’s instinct and compassion.  

Going in for a kiss

Heredity or Environment

When I was younger, I read a poem about whether heredity or environment plays more of a role in the way children are. Although this is a poem about adoption, this is a subject that has always fascinated me. Every day that I look at Cole, I wonder what about him was something he was born with and what is he learning from us and other people.

From the time that he was born, I thought that Cole not only looks like Kevin, but he makes faces like him. Now that he is getting older, I see so much of Kevin’s personality in my little man. It’s hard to tell what he just naturally came into the world with and what he has learned from watching his daddy.

Examples:

Kevin has a tendency to be hyper. A lot of times when I pick up Cole from daycare, he runs the length of the room over and over, crashing into things. Born with genetic hyperactivity.

Kevin likes to run around the house naked. So does Cole. Probably learned.

Kevin is very affectionate. Cole loves to give kisses. Hmm, maybe a little of both.

As the poem concludes…

Heredity or environment- which are you a product of? Both, my darling, both, they’re just different kinds of love.

On the way to Cape May

I recently blogged about lessons that I learned from spending time with my nieces. Well, this past weekend, I took another trip that taught me different lessons that I wanted to share.

After almost 3 years of being married, my husband and I found a rare free weekend and went to Cape May- just the 2 of us. It was much needed, well deserved (if I do say so), and it turned out to be one of the best weekends we have spent together as a married couple. Here is what I learned.

1. Marine life is fascinating.

Since I read my favorite book (She’s Come Undone) when I was 19, and the main character went whale watching, I have wanted to go myself. On this trip I finally got the chance, and it was really an amazing experience. We were told not to expect to actually see a whale, but when we did, it took my breath away. It wasn’t just the whale itself, but fulfilling a dream that I’ve had for so many years that made it so special. The captain told gave us some really interesting information about the marine life that we saw that made the trip that much more enjoyable. I have never been a huge animal lover, but I loved this experience. The only upsetting part of the trip was hearing about how awful captivity is for dolphins and how for every 1 in captivity, there were 3 captured and that being taken out of the wild decreases their life expectancy from 50 to 5 years. It made Kevin and I feel bad about a previous excursion where we swam with these awesome creatures. Something for everyone to think about.

2. Bed and Breakfasts are great places to stay.

We had never stayed at a Bed and Breakfast before, but we loved this experience. It is a little more expensive than it would have been to stay at a motel or hotel, but you can’t beat the personal touches. The innkeepers were like hanging out with your aunt and uncle, the food was better than most restaurants, and we have already talked about going back. I definitely recommend every couple trying this at least once.

3. I still miss my son when I’m away from him.

You would think that after almost 20 months, I would get used to spending time away from Cole. I do it every day when I go to work and have been away from him overnight a couple times before. But as much fun as we had, that angel baby was always on my mind. Kevin even gave a random kid a penny to throw in a fountain because he reminded us of Cole.

4. I am no longer 21.

Okay, I guess I knew that. I mean, in a matter of weeks I will be 10 years away from 21. But it really hit me Saturday night. We were sitting in a bar called Carney’s, listening to an old Irish singer belt out Irish folk songs and popular ballads when I heard the band in the other room playing “I Wanna Be Sedated” which is a song that I love. I commented about it, and Kevin asked if I wanted to go listen to the band. At that moment, I realized that I was perfectly content where I was, listening to the crooner, his cheesy songs and cheesier jokes, in a room where we were the youngest people by 20 years. I just don’t remember when I got so old.

5. It is definitely possible to fall in love with your husband again.

Even after only 3 years of marriage, it is possible to fall into a rut. We are busy people, working and raising our son, and though we try to make time for each other, we aren’t always successful. I never question whether or not I love my husband, but I don’t always take the time to appreciate that love. This weekend, I did. I think we both did. We just really took the time to enjoy what we have together. Sitting on the boat on our whale watching adventure, Kevin leaned towards me and whispered, “On the way to Cape May, I fell in love with you.” Baby, to your cheesy sentiment, I have to say ditto.



Listening to music at an Irish bar



Lessons

While my entire world, and therefore blog, seems to revolve around Cole, I recently spent time with two other interesting subjects and felt that I would be remiss in not writing about them this time. I call these subjects Noli and Marleigh.

For those of you who don’t know, Noli and Marleigh are my nieces and they are 4 and 3, respectively. They are definitely characters and if I learned anything in spending two weekends in a row with them, it’s that I should keep pen and paper on hand in their presence, because I wish I had written down so many of the outrageous things that came out of their mouths. Here are some of the other lessons that I learned.

1. They can be really sweet when they want to be.

- Noli was really scared to go away to our friends’ house where there were going to be dogs, so Marleigh told her, “Don’t worry, Noli. I’ll hold your hand and protect you.”

- Several times while we were down the shore, Noli just looked at me and, for no reason at all, said, “I love you, Aunt Michelle.”

2. Even at this age, they can be boy crazy.

When we were in North Carolina, Marleigh was not shy about her interest in Tom, an engaged man. She flirted with him, kissed him and hung all over him. And when we were down the shore, she had a complete conversation with Noli about how Tom should be marrying her instead of his fiancée Kelly. I’m scared to see what they will be like at 16.

3. They like bathroom humor as much as 12 year old boys.

Yes, they are little girls, but they think burping, tooting (farting) and talking about anything related to body parts is hilarious. Very charming.

4. Don’t piss them off!

Yes, they can be nice and sweet, but if they don’t get their way, watch out. They scream and cry and throw things and are downright scary. Sometimes it is so dramatic that you can’t help but laugh and then they just get angrier. It’s fun to watch Cole stare at them like they’re crazy, though.

5. I wish I had their innocence.

Despite everything else, seeing how fascinated they are with everyday things makes me wish I could be a child again and completely warms my heart. Something as simple as jumping over waves or looking for “mermaid purses” on the beach produces the biggest smiles and makes all your troubles fade away.



Marleigh and Noli on the way to North Carolina



Loverboy

Every mom longs for the day that her own child learns how to give kisses. Those sweet, little baby lips just loving on you- it’s the best. I don’t remember exactly how old Cole was when he learned to give kisses, but I remember being very excited and asking for them over and over. Then, one day as we were leaving day care, his “girlfriend” blew a kiss to him, and he sent one back her way. Soon he was a kissing machine. And now he’ll give kisses to just about anybody. And hugs, too. He leans in and puts his head on your shoulder as his way of giving a hug.

Now, as much as I love that Cole is so affectionate, it does get in the way of everyday life sometimes. When I pick him up from day care at the end of the day, every single person there gets a hug and a kiss- twice. He does one round and then goes back for another before he will leave with me. Even the cat gets a kiss if he will sit still long enough. As sweet as it is to see my son being so loving, I kind of like the days when he is the last kid to be picked up, because with less people to kiss goodbye, we can get out of there faster. And it’s not just people he knows. We had a hard time getting out of the dollar store one day because he was blowing so many kisses to the cashier.

But I will try my best not to complain. I’m sure when the teenage years come around, I’ll be missing these days of kisses. And so will the cashier at Family Dollar.

Cole giving his new friend Logan a kiss. Logan wasn't so sure about it.

Whose Birthday is it?

I often think about how we really know we are parents. Do you find yourself doing or saying things that you wouldn’t have dreamed of before you had a baby? Do you go to bed earlier and get up earlier? Have you broken down and bought a minivan? Whatever has changed about you, every parent knows that your life is never the same once you have a child. A great example of this is how we celebrated my husband’s 32^nd birthday- at Sesame Place.

With Cole’s aforementioned recent obsession with Elmo, Kevin thought that his birthday would be the perfect day to take our little Sesame Streeter to the ultimate place to see Elmo- Sesame Place, conveniently located just an hour away in Langhorne, PA. (I did find myself thinking that day that I wonder whose idea it was to choose this town out of all the places in the country.)

We had a blast with Cole, riding the rides, playing in the water, watching the parade. The large, furry characters did prove to be a little scary, but it was all worth it. In fact, we had such a good time that we bought season passes for the rest of this year and next year.

My birthday is coming up soon. I wonder what we’ll do. The zoo? Dutch Wonderland? You have to love being a parent.

On our way there, wearing his new Elmo shirt.

Obsess much?

When Cole was born, I wondered what he would be into at certain ages. What toys and games would he like? Would he be into sports or like to read? Since he has gotten to the age of really playing, he has pretty much been an equal opportunity kid in regards to his toys. But lately, I think we have found our first obsession. Actually there are 2 of them- balls and Elmo.

I don’t know what these things have to do with each other, but he loves them both. And this kid can spot a ball or Elmo anywhere. We walk into daycare and he shouts “ball!” We went to Target the other day, and he saw those big red cement things out front and called them balls. He has so many balls in our living room that he can’t possibly play with all of them, but he certainly tries. He throws them, carries them in his lacrosse stick, and I finally taught him to kick, so that’s a whole new thing. Any color, size, texture, he loves them all.

And then there is the Elmo fascination which is even worse. We enter pretty much any store and I hear “Elmo!” A cashier at the grocery store was giving him stickers and after every single one that she gave him (5 in all), he asked, “Elmo?” She was tempted to go back into the store looking for Sesame Street stickers. And of course, our trip to Sesame Place was overwhelming! We weren’t even in the gates and it was “Elmo, Elmo, Elmo!” And the funniest part of this is that he hasn’t learned to distinguish yet between Elmo and every other character/furry person out there. So the Philly Phanatic, all the characters at Sesame Place and just about any other thing that remotely looks character-like are all named Elmo, according to Cole. He now has Elmo cups, shirts, a bowl, and we even bought him a potty where he will get to high five Elmo when he uses it. We have even looked at Elmo Halloween costumes already. Now it’s just a question of who will get burnt out on this craze first, him or us. I have a feeling it will be us.

I got the fever

For those of you who are married, I’m sure you realized that once you tie the knot, friends and family will undoubtedly start asking that famous question- “when are you going to have a baby?” I think we started getting this before we had even walked down the aisle and it only intensified after we were married, with some people even suggesting that Kevin should “man up” when we didn’t get pregnant right away. (Yes, Dad, I know about that… haha.) But after only 6 months of marriage, we were pregnant… and happily so. We can’t imagine not having Cole in our lives and are lucky to have such a happy, well-adjusted kid. We fear with him being so good what we will face with the next child. (But that is another topic for another time.) Once Cole was born, people started asking the next logical questions- how many kids do you want and when will you have the next one?

We have always known that we wanted a few kids (I would like 4 and Kevin says 2, so hopefully we will meet in the middle at 3), but now is the question of how long to wait in between. It has seemed logical to us that even though we want our kids to be somewhat close in age, we need to consider factors like finances, work schedules, daycare, and most importantly, our living situation. Our condo is big enough for one kid, but 2 would be pushing it. Right?

But what I didn’t account for was this terrible sickness that has come over me- Baby Fever. It started with a girl at work asking me questions about her pregnancy and me living vicariously through her. Then the Facebook announcements came, one after another. Everyone seemed to be getting pregnant. The ones that especially got to me were those who had babies the same ages as Cole but were already getting pregnant again. If they are having another one, shouldn’t I? I don’t even necessarily know that I’m ready for another baby, but every time I hear about someone else getting pregnant, I can’t help but getting that little twinge, a yearning for another little one.

How do I cure my baby fever?

Mini Me

Maybe every parent wants a child who takes after them. I know that my husband hoped for that (even if he wouldn’t admit it), and he definitely got it. Cole wants to be just like his daddy. It may have started with the love of lacrosse, but now it’s just become comical with every little imitation. Cole loves to work out like his dad. Kevin shadow boxes. Cole flails his arms around. Kevin does pushups. Cole lies next to him doing his version, bobbing his head up and down. Kevin does his “6 inch” ab workout. Cole lies next to him, lifts his legs, and laughs. My guys also have a morning routine that they go through together. When Kevin puts his hair gel in, Cole ruffles his own hair to imitate his dad. They brush their teeth together, “shave” together, and put on deodorant together. If Kevin does it, Cole has to do it. I roll my eyes and laugh, but I think I’m secretly a little jealous. Kevin says that if we have a girl, she will be a little nerdy and will spend her time reading and correcting people by saying “actually” before pleading her case. Man, I sure hope so.

Cole "gargling" his mouthwash and putting on body spray.

Future Lax Star

When Cole was born, a friend of ours bought him Fiddle Sticks. For those of you who are lacrosse novices (like I was until I met Kevin), these are mini lacrosse sticks. I laughed and thought it was cute and figured they would sit in a corner collecting dust. Then one day, probably a few months ago, Cole picked up one of those sticks and started walking around with it. Then both sticks made it out to the living room with the rest of his toys. Before I knew it, Kevin was showing him how to hold the stick with two hands and check people. Yes, our 1 year old knows how to check. Every day when we get home, the first “toy” that he goes for is his lacrosse stick. When we go out somewhere, we don’t take a blankie or a favorite stuffed animal; we take the stick. He can hit hard enough with it now that I have a tendency to cringe when he gets too close to breakables and my face with it.

And nothing gets my son as excited as watching the “big boys” play.  Despite being an active kid who likes to run around, if we go to see a lacrosse game when his dad is coaching, Cole will sit there glued to the field and watch the entire game. The team moms have even commented on how he is like a little doll, sitting so still in his stroller. But he must know the difference between practice and a game, because when it’s a practice, he can’t wait to run out onto that field and play. He doesn’t even seem to notice that the other kids are towering over him.

I don’t mind all of this, because despite not growing up with it, I think lacrosse is a great sport. But it makes me wonder… can you inherit the love of a game?

All Boy

To blog or not to blog… that was my question. I actually thought about starting one when I was younger. Friends in college told me that my life was like a soap opera, so when I first heard of this thing called a blog (probably sometime post-college), I thought I would write about my “exciting” single girl life. But between my lack of knowledge on how to actually go about starting a blog, my doubt over whether anyone would read it and my propensity towards more important things (you know, like happy hours), I dropped the idea. It wasn’t until recently that I revisited this topic when I was made aware of the “mom blog” in which I would be given a forum to talk about my favorite topic in the whole world- my son, Cole.

Every day with this kid is a new adventure. He went from newborn snuggly angel to this rough and tumble, 15 month old boy… in what feels like about 5 minutes. So in addition to being able to keep people updated on us, I plan to use this blog for the selfish purpose of remembering all of these stories, memories and moments that I get to experience every day as a first time mom.

I think I’ll use the Saturday before Easter as a jumping off point. When I say that Cole is “all boy,” that is no exaggeration. People have said it from the day he was born. This kid looks like a boy, acts like a boy, and, lately, he gets hurt like a boy. Afternoon family naps are the Tinsley family’s favorite weekend activity, and we decided to settle down for one that day. Sometimes Cole obliges and other times he uses Mommy and Daddy as his own personal jungle gym. We realized quickly that this day he would be doing the latter. Well, as he climbed over me, I thought, there he goes, off the edge of the bed, crashing onto the floor, where he will get right up and laugh like usual. And off the edge he went, crashing onto the floor, but he did not get up and he did not laugh. Instead I heard what no mother ever wants to hear- a scream, followed by a lot of crying. I scooped him up and turned him over to find my little tough guy with a blood-covered eye. Now I am not a squeamish person, but suddenly, when it’s your kid, it is a whole different ball game. The adrenaline pumping, we ran him into the kitchen where we had to play doctor and then we gave each other that knowing look… this is just the first of many, many injuries Cole will sustain in his childhood. No question. He is 100% boy.