A Different Kind of Chaos

From the time each of my babies was under 2 months old, I had to go back to work full time. It was very difficult, but what I had to do to contribute to our family and each time, having someone else care for my kids during the day became the norm. A year ago today, I lost my job after 5 1/2 years with the same company. I was devastated by what happened after giving so much time and work into one place. But what happened was a blessing in disguise when I woke up the next morning and didn't have to rush out the door, worrying about which place I was dropping the kids that day, or was it a day they were staying home with someone. Did I pack extra clothes, bottles, enough diapers? This terrible thing that had happened had, in reality, given me my dream, even if just temporarily, to be home with my kids. The first few weeks, we went to the pool and library and on play dates. I didn't want to lose out on any memory or moment because I knew it couldn't last forever. People would ask me what it was like to not be working and to be home with the kids and I said, "it's a different kind of chaos." I had to figure out new routines and schedules and a different way of life for us. I applied for jobs and went on interviews, but I didn't rush into anything because I knew time is the one thing I can never get back.
It wasn't all perfect. We had to figure things out financially as a family. We said goodbye to a daycare provider who my kids had been with since infancy. There were days that I missed my work and the people that I had seen every day for all those years, but what I found is that being home with my kids made me happier than I'd been in years.
Several months ago, I went back to work part time. I work 2 part time jobs with crazy hours and it's yet again, a different kind of chaos for our family. But I'm doing what I need to do to make our lives work. And I'm very lucky to have a husband who helps me do just that. Yes, there are days that I think about when I was working full time and swore my house would be spotless and my kids would spend all day reading and creating projects straight from Pinterest if I ever got to stay home. But then I smile at the time we are getting and smother them with kisses and feel blessed for all of our chaos.