I'm a man!

As a society, I think we expect certain things for each gender. Our boys are supposed to be rough and play sports and our girls are supposed to wear dresses and play with dolls. Right or wrong, these are stereotypes for a reason. Of course, our children aren't born understanding their roles or what gender is or how they are supposed to act, but somehow they learn. (Okay, we know how, but as parents, we can’t help it sometimes.) So while I will try to teach my son to be sensitive and I hope my daughter grows up loving Sunday football, I know that they will inevitably fall into (at least some of) the gender stereotypes. And how do I know? 

Well, you could say it’s already starting.

A few days ago, we were at my parents’ house, and Cole tells his 5 year old (female) cousin who is enjoying a Gatorade that girls aren't allowed to drink Gatorade. Umm, okay.

I took the opportunity to ask him what else girls and boys aren't allowed to do. His answers:

Girls aren't allowed to have cigars.

Girls aren't allowed to go outside (where Cole and Daddy have guy time).

Boys aren't allowed to go to sleep. (Convenient for my nocturnal 3 year old.)

I asked him if there were other things that boys and girls can/can’t do and he said:

“I don’t know; figure it out.”

Appalled, I asked him why he would say that.

“Because I’m a man!”

Well, of course you are. So that is now Cole’s favorite response to everything.

Cole, why did you push your sister?

Because I’m a man.

Cole, can you put your clothes in the hamper?

No, because I’m a man.

Cole, can you get your sister's bottle for me?

You get it. I'm a man.

And the question that gets asked 50 times a day...

Cole, why did you do that?!

I'm a man!

You get the chauvinistic (although still adorable) picture. 

Mommy Time

I recently read another mom's blog about making time for yourself. This mom has 4 young children and has made time to care of her own body and is showing amazing results. Honestly, she is a real inspiration. I know that the struggle of making time is one that a lot of moms deal with. Is it really okay to leave my kids for date night, the gym, or drinks with friends? I'm a full time working mom who already spends over 9 hours a day away from my kids. Most nights, I'm rushing home to feed them dinner and then it's already time for baths and bed. So how can I justify doing anything during my nights and weekends that takes me away from them. As a result, we take our kids almost everywhere we go, I've found myself food shopping at 10:00 at night, and I very rarely work out. But in my rational, I'm-a-person-and-not-just-a-mom mind, I know that mommy time is a good thing. So Friday night, I scheduled a massage for myself. It was amazingly relaxing and so worth it. I ran an errand on my way home and drove the long way with the window down. Yes, I wanted to be home for family time and yes, I felt some guilt for not being there for dinner and for leaving  my 3 year old pouting on the front steps. (Especially when he cried that I was going to take too long. Ugh.) But for my own sanity and that of my husband and children, sometimes this mom does need to get away.

Not happy about Mommy leaving

Perception

Last night, Cole and I were watching tv and he pointed to a Hispanic man and said, “What’s that black boy doing?” I was taken aback and responded, “Who told you he is black?”

“I don’t know”

“Well, what color are you?”

“White.” (Okay, he’s right there.)

“What color is Daddy?”

“Hmm, I don’t know.”

“What color is Mommy?”

“Brown.” (I would have to get a lot tanner for that.)

“What color is Chloe?”

“Pink.” (Aww, so cute.)

So I’m thinking about the perception of a 3 year old and how this funny conversation will make a good status update today. Then this morning, I started to tell Kevin the story, and Cole chimed in.

Tell Daddy what color you are. White. And what color is Daddy. White again.

What color is Mommy? He looks at me and says blue. Hmm, that’s different. And what color is Chloe? 

Pink, no, purple.

I looked down at myself wearing a blue robe and Chloe in her purple pajamas. Then I realized that Kevin was wearing a white shirt and so was Cole. And then I remembered that the man on tv last night had on a black shirt and black pants. So it hits me that my sweet boy wasn’t looking at the color of anyone’s skin but rather at their clothes. What a way to view the world. 

Johns Hopkins

Last night, Cole and I were playing in my room, and he tackled me on my bed and gave me a big kiss. Then he said, "We married!" I laughed and asked him what that meant, but he didn’t seem to know. I pointed to a wedding photo of Kevin and me that hangs above our bed and told him, "That’s when Mommy and Daddy got married." I should have anticipated the next question.

"Where I'm at?"

“You weren’t born yet.”

“But where me?”

“There was no Cole yet.”

“I was at home?”

This went on for a few minutes. Then I explained to Cole (in 3 year old terms) how Mommy and Daddy got married and then they wanted a baby, so we prayed and God put a baby in Mommy’s belly and that baby was Cole. He seemed happy about that explanation and stopped asking questions.

Shortly after, we were watching the Hopkins/Syracuse lacrosse game on DVR. (Cole’s obsession with lacrosse now has us recording college games.) I wanted to find out what he had retained from our conversation, so I said, “Cole, tell Daddy who put you in Mommy’s belly.” His answer…

“Johns Hopkins!”

Letting go

Like many working parents probably feel, we like to spend as much time as we can with our kids at night and on weekends. I wouldn't say that we are necessarily trying to make up for the lost time (although I guess that’s true, too), but we just genuinely like to be with our kids. However, this sometimes causes conflicts in our parenting.  We let them stay up later than we probably should because when you don’t get home with them until 6, it’s hard to put them to bed at 7:30. And Cole probably eats more hot dogs than he should because prepping and making and fighting with him to eat a more elaborate dinner takes time out of playing and cuddling. The other two facets of this: we don’t let our kids go many places without us, and we like to be there whenever they do something for the first time.

So when my mother-in-law asked if she could take Cole to his cousin’s birthday party at a bowling alley, I panicked. But we won’t be there. And he’s never been bowling. So we won’t be with him, and we won’t see him bowl for the first time. Irrational thoughts? Probably. But when it comes to parenting, we can’t always be rational. However, there comes a time and place when we have to set aside our hang-ups as parents and realize that it’s okay to let go. We had plans that night anyway, so it’s not as though we would be home with him. And I knew that he would have fun. So I had to be a big girl and let him go.

He was sick that day which made the whole situation even tougher, but I got him ready and packed his backpack. He definitely wasn't feeling like himself, but we had been building up this day all week, and he was determined to go. I cried a little when it was time to say goodbye and even more after he left. But he had a great time as I knew he would. And we will have many more weekends. And many more firsts. And we can take him bowling for his second time.

My big boy ready to go to the party

Funny Guy

Cole is at the age where he is really developing a sense of humor and the kid seriously cracks me up. I hope to always remember all of these one liners of his and stories he tells me, but as I’m sure I will start to forget them as time goes by, I thought I would blog about some of my recent favorites.

Said to me while in the car one day:

“I’m going to be a witch. A good witch.”

And then:

“I’m going to put you in a trash bag.”

While playing with the Virgin Mary from his Little People Nativity set:

“This is Uncle Sean.”

After I called him out for acting silly:

“I’m not crazy. I’m a man.”

Out of the blue before Christmas:

“I don’t like the holidays.”

Then another day out of the blue:

“I love Mommy. And Daddy. And Chloe. And Elmo. And the holidays.”

His new favorite saying which is a reminder that I have to be careful what I say:

“I’m just like my father.”

And my favorite recent conversation:

We were lying in my bed together, and I was wearing a World Series Phillies shirt. Cole recognizes the P when he sees it, so he said “Phillies!” Then he asked what else it said.

“World Series Champions. 2008,” I told him. “That’s the year Mommy and Daddy got married.”

“Did you wear this or princess?”

Assuming he meant did I wear the shirt or dress like a princess, I replied, “I didn’t have this shirt yet. I dressed like a princess. I’ll show you pictures one day.”

“I already saw them. Daddy showed me.”

“Oh really? Where?”

“On Facebook.”

What's it going to take?

After 9/11, I remember seeing a lot of people putting flag bumper stickers on their cars and talking about patriotism and even being nicer to each other, especially in NYC. While all that was great, all I could think was, why didn’t everyone act like this sooner? Why did we have to endure a national tragedy for our citizens to be proud of their country? And why does it take something awful like hundreds of innocent people dying to get those of us living to treat each other with kindness?

This thought occurred to me again on Friday as news broke of yet another school shooting. All day I saw posts on Facebook about how the events that happened in Connecticut made parents want to go home and hug and hold their kids. What I don’t get is… don’t you want to do this every day? Don’t get me wrong; I get it. I know that when an awful tragedy like this occurs, it makes each of us take a second to really appreciate what we have and we realize how fragile life is. But we need to remind ourselves of this all the time; not just when something bad happens. I can’t wait to get out of work every day and get to my kids. Their faces are my little piece of heaven and make me feel like I have a purpose in this world. I don’t wait until I hear about a school shooting or a kid getting abducted or a massive hurricane to love them. I smother my kids with hugs and kisses every chance I get. They hear “I love you” from me and their dad constantly.  In several years, they will be “too cool” for all of this, and I will still make sure that they never question how much they mean to me.

A Facebook friend posted that her kids’ school contacted the parents to let them know that starting this week, they were putting more security measures in place. Why did they wait until now? We have been hearing about this type of thing for years now.  I recently posted a status about the security when I had to visit a few local schools. What I didn’t comment about was the one school that I was able to walk right into. No buzzer or locked doors or anything. That is scary. Unfortunately, we live in a world where these things can’t be ignored.

And what about our teachers? I am seeing posts about how wonderful teachers are and how they should be appreciated. Shouldn’t they have been appreciated last week? Before we had to be reminded how wonderful they are by losing someone like Victoria Soto who died trying to protect her students? How about we all take the $1 we would have spent on a lottery ticket and buy a box of pencils for those amazing teachers who every year purchase supplies from their own money. Or we could stop overpaying professional athletes and put some of those millions into retirement funds for our educators. Just a thought…

Now that I’ve probably made a lot of people mad, I’m going to step down from my soap box and go home and hug my kids. Just like I do every night.