One Year

Wow, I can't believe it's been an entire year since I posted. Life gets so busy and crazy and hectic and I miss the opportunity to write about all that is going on in our family, but I couldn't let today go by without recognizing the significance of this day. Today, December 18th, marks 1 year since we moved into our new home! People still ask us all the time how the "new house" is and it still feels new so it's hard to believe that we've already spent a year here. Kevin and I still talk about how we managed to fit 5 of us in a 2 bedroom condo for as many years as we did. We've quickly filled up this home with our things and our memories. We've made it our own but have countless ideas how to make it even more ours. Every time we talk about changing wallpaper or refacing cabinets, I have to remind myself that this is our forever home and we have many years to make all of that happen. This past year has been full of lessons. If you don't know how to do something, try YouTube. Don't be scared to ask for help. If you have things you haven't seen in years, it's probably okay to let them go now. Unless they are wedding presents you never got to use and then you better have people over so you can serve them on your beautiful dishes. We've met a lot of great people and made new friends, had a housewarming the size of a small wedding and hosted our first Thanksgiving. It's been amazing so far and we feel extremely lucky to have found our dream home. A big thanks to everyone who has visited, helped, and asked about our house and we look forward to many more years here! And maybe we'll eventually unpack those last few boxes in the garage.

Home Sweet Home Part 2

On a Monday night in May 2006, I headed to a guy's house for a first date. He told me to look for the Christmas lights on the deck and that would be his house. Yes, in May. As I walked in, I had no idea what memories would like ahead of me within those walls. If I had known what I know now, I would have remembered every detail of what I saw that night, not just those Christmas lights.

Before I knew it, I was at the house every night and when I told my parents I was thinking of moving there, they packed me up and gave me their blessing. The living room furniture was all black and there was no food in the fridge, but suddenly, it was home. I fell in love with that guy in that house. I bought red throw pillows for the black leather couches and put food in the fridge and it became ours instead of just his.

We hosted Christmas parties and had our parents over for dinners. We spent lazy weekends watching tv and cuddling on the couch. One day we both left that house and returned a married couple. We received the most exciting news of our lives on Memorial Day 2009 in that house, and I finally got to design the nursery I'd been envisioning since high school. Months later, we brought home our first baby on a rainy January day and showed him the place he would also call home.

Somehow we blinked and had 2 more babies who we brought home to that house. We soon realized that we had outgrown our living arrangements and would need to leave the place we had grown to love so much. It was a long and tough process, but our prayers were finally answered and everything fell into place.

In just a few short hours, we will leave this house and move on to bigger and better things. But a piece of my heart will always be here. My first home away from my parents, my first as a married woman, as a mother. The first home for all 3 of my babies; though it saddens me that they won't remember it. We've been incredibly blessed here- a location we love, family walks through the neighborhood, dance parties in the living room; watching the deer from the deck, summer dinners at the picnic table, neighbors who would do anything for us. I will miss it all beyond what words can express. I've been sad and crying for weeks now at the thought of this change.

But then tonight, we went for a walk through of our new home and the pure and utter joy on our children's faces as they ran from room to room made me remember why we are doing this. Every penny we've spent, every showing we prepared for, every second that we've put into this move is so totally worth it because they are worth it; we are worth it.

So yes, I'm going to cry when we prepare to leave in the morning. I will walk through every room and for one last time, take in every detail. I'll cry as we pull away one last time. But the tears won't last long, because our dreams are just 3.5 miles away.

Princess

A few weeks ago, I read a blog by another mother urging all moms to stop calling their daughters "princess" because of what being a princess means- spoiled, not respected for their intelligence and only meant for producing heirs. I totally agreed when I read it.

And then I realized that I do call my 3 year old daughter "princess." All the time. But you know what? I'm okay with that. I'm okay with her thinking that she deserves to be treated like royalty. I'm okay with putting her on a pedestal. I'm okay with her wanting to be like the fairy tale princesses that she sees in movies. In fact, I'm good with all of that. My daughter is so young, and she has a lifetime to figure out that movies are just movies and princesses like that don't exist in real life. So why not let her feel like a princess now? She's not spoiled. She's not a brat. She's a sweet girly girl who likes to wear dresses and have her nails painted. She also loves sports and getting dirty and doesn't back down to any boy. She's brave and funny and a total free spirit and fiercely independent. I tell her all the time that she can be whatever she wants to be, whether it's a princess or a football player or President of the United States. That's the type of princess I'm raising. So I'll keep calling my daughter princess and ignore other people's cringes and judgement. Besides, if you ask her, she doesn't call herself Princess. She calls herself "a freaking beast!"

A Different Kind of Chaos

From the time each of my babies was under 2 months old, I had to go back to work full time. It was very difficult, but what I had to do to contribute to our family and each time, having someone else care for my kids during the day became the norm. A year ago today, I lost my job after 5 1/2 years with the same company. I was devastated by what happened after giving so much time and work into one place. But what happened was a blessing in disguise when I woke up the next morning and didn't have to rush out the door, worrying about which place I was dropping the kids that day, or was it a day they were staying home with someone. Did I pack extra clothes, bottles, enough diapers? This terrible thing that had happened had, in reality, given me my dream, even if just temporarily, to be home with my kids. The first few weeks, we went to the pool and library and on play dates. I didn't want to lose out on any memory or moment because I knew it couldn't last forever. People would ask me what it was like to not be working and to be home with the kids and I said, "it's a different kind of chaos." I had to figure out new routines and schedules and a different way of life for us. I applied for jobs and went on interviews, but I didn't rush into anything because I knew time is the one thing I can never get back.
It wasn't all perfect. We had to figure things out financially as a family. We said goodbye to a daycare provider who my kids had been with since infancy. There were days that I missed my work and the people that I had seen every day for all those years, but what I found is that being home with my kids made me happier than I'd been in years.
Several months ago, I went back to work part time. I work 2 part time jobs with crazy hours and it's yet again, a different kind of chaos for our family. But I'm doing what I need to do to make our lives work. And I'm very lucky to have a husband who helps me do just that. Yes, there are days that I think about when I was working full time and swore my house would be spotless and my kids would spend all day reading and creating projects straight from Pinterest if I ever got to stay home. But then I smile at the time we are getting and smother them with kisses and feel blessed for all of our chaos.

The Art of 3

There are many things that I love about having 3 kids. It fills my heart to see how much they all love each other and there is always an abundance of laughter, hugs, kisses and cuddles. But there are things that I really don't like about it and running errands ranks up there pretty high.
My husband has no problem taking out all 3 kids- the zoo, food shopping, anywhere, but I avoid it like the plague. The thought of putting all 3 into car seats and taking them out, going in and out of stores, keeping them all happy and from running up and down aisles... I'm not going to lie; it stresses me out.
So last night when I realized Kevin was leaving for the gym and we had nothing for dinner, he said, why don't you run out and grab something. I froze. With all 3?! Okay, wait, these are my kids. I can handle this. This is how it went.
I got all 3 into the car. I hadn't driven my car all day and with it being 80 degrees out, there were some gripes about the heat, but we got out quickly. First stop was Wawa. Take out money, get salads and milk. Cole was in a mood right away and proceeded to walk into me and his sister repeatedly. We had a talk by the ice cream section and he straightened out quickly. But then he started asking for different things to which I kept saying no. When he came up to me with Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, I snapped "no" one last time. He gave me puppy dog eyes and said, "I got them for you because they are your favorite." Damn, bad mommy moment. I let them all get apple slices which is their "special treat" at Wawa. Typically parents wait for good behavior to reward with a treat at the end of running errands but I love that they choose apples and find that getting them something in the beginning makes the trip more peaceful.
Everyone back in the car. I got almost to the next store when I realized I forgot to take out money. Back to Wawa, everyone out of the car, hit the ATM, everyone back in the car. The next stop was the liquor store. I warned them not to touch a thing. I walked in, picked up the first bottle of Moscato I saw and went to pay. Cole and the clerk went back and forth about the cost of wine and then she threw lollipops in our bag.
Next door was the beer distributor where we had to get cigars for Kevin. Cole went in first and announced "2 Rockys" to the clerk. He recognized Cole and laughed, grabbed our cigars, took my money and handed us candy. (Gotta love these clerks!)
The last stop was Giant. Dinner, hot dogs, marshmallows (for the fire pit) and bananas. They were good, asked for minimal additional items, made sure I got the things we needed and we were out of there.
All 3 back in the car, belted into car seats and they ran through the list of errands with me. Done!
We survived... this time...

A Month of Kindness

I've been terrible about writing lately, so this is coming a little late, but I wanted to share it. I had posted a picture a couple months ago of an Act of Kindness Advent Calendar that Cole and I were going to complete in the weeks leading up to Christmas. It was quite an adventure for us, and we found that some tasks were definitely easier to complete than others. With Cole in school 3 days a week, we sometimes had to play catch up with our items on other days and once Christmas week came, it was tough to get much done. However, we managed to complete almost every act on the list. The biggest thrill for me was that every morning Cole woke up and (after finding his elf, of course) he would ask me, "What nice thing are we going to do today?" I realized that this is a kid who already loved being kind and doing things for others, and every time I watched him completing an act of kindness and how excited and happy it made him, it made all the running around more than worth it. Below is a list of what we did:

1. Let someone go in front of you in line- we were at the library and someone got to the counter at the same time, so Cole didn't try to race in front of them. That was big for him!
2. Donate hats & mittens to a homeless shelter- we bought them and held them for a later date (see below).
3. Write your teacher a thank you note- this was one of my favorites. Cole wrote a note thanking his teacher for being allowed to bring a book into school. She was teaching the class about kindness, so Cole's note was hung up on the Kindness board in his classroom!
4. Tape coins to a vending machine for the next person to use- the Salvation Army guy didn't seem to understand why we weren't putting the money in his bucket. Oh, well. Hope someone enjoyed their soda!
5. Buy a new book for a child in need- I let Cole pick a book and then we saw a Toys for Tots box, but he asked if he could read it in the car before giving it away. I felt bad, so I let him. When we went to drop it off later, he really had a hard time letting go, but he knew it was going to a kid who needed it.
6. Send a holiday card to a service man or woman- thanks to my FB friends, we found 6 people to send cards to. I wrote a note explaining what we were doing and Cole signed his name. I hope they got there and were appreciated!
7. Set the dinner table for your family- we were at my mom's, so Gram let Cole help serve his cousins.
8. Give a water bottle & snack to a homeless person- this would have been really tough without going into the city, so we bought stuff and put it into our stash for the later trip to a shelter.
9. Make a bookmark for someone at school- another one of my favs, Cole chose to make a bookmark for his best friend Mason. They were both very excited about it!
10. Donate a coloring book & crayons to hospital ER- the admissions desk seemed very genuinely surprised which was really nice for something that only cost us a few dollars. They said they were going to take them up to pediatrics which was even better.
11. Gather up shopping carts in the parking lot- this one was hilarious as my little 4 year old pushed shopping carts across the lot and waved off the guys whose job it actually is were trying to help him.
12. Go through old clothes and toys & give to shelter- most of their toys are in storage, but we found some clothes to give away. I took all 3 kids with the clothes along with the food and hat & gloves to a shelter in Chester. A little bit scary getting in, but the people inside were very appreciative, and the kids loved doing it!
13. Call a relative and tell them "I love you"- it was tough to get someone on the phone at first, but then Cole ended up talking to 3 of his cousins and it was so sweet!
14. Do someone else's chore today- Cole chose to do Mommy's chore because he said I do the most, so he helped with the laundry.
15. Leave a treat in the mailbox for the mail carrier- hope he enjoyed our cookies!
16. Donate old towels & sheets to the local pet shelter- this was hard because we didn't have any to give, so we improvised and bought some dog toys which Cole got to pick. It was really fun (and a little nerve wracking) to take both Cole and Chloe to drop off the toys and see the animals. The dogs were a little too loud for them, but they loved the cats!
17. Buy a new toy & donate to Toys for Tots- if we do this in the future, I'll have to remember that pick up for these boxes is right around this date, so you can't find a box if you wait too long. We ended up giving them to a teacher friend who was doing a day of giving with her students.
18. Buy a hot cocoa for a Salvation Army bell ringer- it was so cute to see Cole hand over that cup, and the ringer was definitely surprised.
19. Bring in your neighbor's trash can- we only use bags on our street, but our one neighbor uses a bin for his recycling, so Cole brought that up to his door.
20. Hold the door for someone- Cole held the door for everyone this day!
21. Bring flowers to someone in a nursing home- this is one we just didn't get to do... maybe next year!
22. Tape microwave popcorn to a Red Box- I thought this one was fun, but we should have waited to see who got it, because it was gone by the time we did our food shopping!
23. Donate used books to the library or dr's office- we tried to do this but the library said our books were too old and the dr's office doesn't take them, so they went to Goodwill.
24. Give someone a hug today- it was Christmas Eve, so Cole gave lots of hugs that day!

Pushing the carts at Giant

Checking out the dogs at the shelter

Giving his sister one of many hugs on Christmas Eve

Unplugged

I can imagine there are tons of blogs, posts, etc. out there about how we are all too connected to our electronic devices and how we should put down our smart phones and spend time doing other things. Well, I was without my phone for less than 24 hours last week, and I never want to do that again!

Thursday night, my phone (which barely holds a charge these days) was about to die, so I turned it off. When I went in to bed and tried to plug it into the charger, nothing happened. I tried a 2nd charger and then a 3rd and still nothing. I even went outside to my car and tried that charger. I panicked. How can I not have a phone? But at 10:00 at night, there was nothing I could do. In the morning, I tried them all again and realized that I was going to be phoneless until I could get to the store which wouldn't be for hours. I felt like I was missing an appendage. Which is actually pretty accurate. Here is how my day went...


When I woke up to feed Chase in the middle of the night, I watched tv instead of browsing Facebook.
In the morning when Kevin asked me what the weather was going to be like, I just stared at him. He turned on The Weather Channel.
I went on Facebook and posted about my mini-tragedy. Because I'm very important and I knew tons of people would be looking for me. My mom got sent a private message to reach me on Kevin's phone since we were meeting up that morning.
As we got ready for Cole's school Halloween concert, I had to keep looking at a clock to know when we had to leave.
At the concert, I couldn't take any pictures. I also made an effort not to get separated from my family, because then I would never find them.
Friday afternoon, I had errands to run, including going to Verizon, although that was last on my list. Food shopping was tough without my calculator. My mind isn't equipped for math.
Our car had to be jumped in the morning, so the clock hadn't been reset, and I had no way of knowing the correct time to reset it. And since I was meeting up with someone at 2:00, I had to keep asking strangers for the time. I would imagine no one asks anyone else for the time anymore.
Several times when I was out, I thought about a question or something I had to tell someone. I started making mental notes to reach out to them later.

It was about 3:00 in the afternoon when the tech/savior at Verizon got my phone back on. My phone was teeming with notifications. In any given day, I realize that I use my phone not just for calling and texting, but for email, weather, calculator, phone, GPS, looking up information, social media, recipes and a clock. So as sarcastic as some of this may be, right or wrong, I don't know what I would do without that little electronic revelation. And I will not be voluntarily unplugging again anytime soon.

No Regrets

Every time I do any kind of exercise with my husband, he reminds me that no one ever regretted a workout. Sometimes, my sore muscles would beg to differ, but he's absolutely right. It does make me feel better. That being said, I don't like working out. There really isn't any kind of exercise that I find appealing. If given the choice, I would much rather curl up in front of the tv or with a book. But as with most people, the older I get, the more important it is to stay active in order to be healthy. So when Kevin asks me to jump rope with him or go for a walk, I find myself making less excuses than I used to do.

Chores

I hate chores. I know that at my age I shouldn't call them chores but that’s what they are. Cleaning, organizing, putting away, straightening up… any of it. I don’t find it fun. My mother finds cleaning cathartic, but unfortunately, I did not inherit this gene. I hope that my kids did, so I don’t have a son or daughter-in-law mad at me in 30 years, but in case they didn't, I thought I should give them a little push in the right direction.

We try to be consistent with them in picking up their toys, putting their dirty clothes in the hamper and dirty dishes in the sink, that type of thing. But Cole recently started two very important chores- taking care of a plant and a hermit crab. While on a school trip to a farm, each child was given a watermelon plant to take home. And on a recent trip down the shore, Cole was able to get a hermit crab like he does each time we go. (This time he got one with a soccer ball painted shell and named him Soccer Player. Very creative. Haha.) So every afternoon, he checks on Soccer Player’s food and water supply and then he checks the moisture of his plant.

Cole gets to learn about responsibility and Mommy gets to daydream about the day the kids are old enough to scrub toilets. It's a win-win!

Difficult Conversations

I love so much of what it means to be a mom. But there are certainly things that I would rather not deal with at all. Sleepless nights, runny noses, talking back... and difficult conversations. I don't know any parent who looks forward to discussing things like the birds and the bees or death and dying. So when one of the teachers at Cole's preschool suddenly and sadly passed away last month, I braced myself for questions. But they never came. I knew that the school was going to explain things to the kids, and I was grateful that whatever Cole was told was enough that he never brought it up to me. Until the other night.

We were eating dinner and discussing how people are related which is a current area of interest to my 4 year old. We established that Chase is my son and not my brother or my husband and that Chloe is my daughter because she is a little girl. Then the conversation went like this:

C- Grandmom is your mommy?
M- Yes. Just like you and Chloe and Chase all grew inside Mommy's belly, I grew inside of Gram's.
C- (Laughs.) That's so crazy! And who is Grandmom's mommy?
M- She was my grandmom who you never met. She lives in heaven.
C- She died?
(This is where I was thrown. I didn't even know he really knew that word.)
M- Yes, she did. How do you know that?
C- That's what happened to Miss Carol. (Break my heart.)
M- They told you that at school?
C- Yes. Is heaven far away?
M- Yes, it is.
C- Do you have to drive there?
M- (Hmm, how to explain this.) It's really far. You have to fly.
C- You're just kidding, right?
M- No, you do. You have to fly because it's so far.
C- Oh. Okay.

Satisfied for the time being, Cole went back to eating and Mommy picked her heart up off the floor and breathed a big, although probably temporary, sigh of relief.

Another Baby Story

The arrival of our newest bundle of joy is a story that could be taken from a movie, and I don’t want to forget the details, so here it is.

On February 17^th, at 3:00 in the afternoon, I was at work and started to feel some contractions. They lasted about an hour, and I told my husband, who was in Charlotte for his every other week business trip, to be on standby. But after an hour, the contractions stopped, and I continued to work. I finished up some things and went home early (by the request of my boss). I was tired but with no contractions for several hours, I had an uneventful night with my kids.

At 1:00 am, I woke up in active labor. I wasn’t sure at first, but the contractions were strong and after I started timing them and realized they were coming every 3 minutes, I knew this was the real thing. I called my mom, who was at work, and she told me to call the doctor, which I did, and I was told to come to the hospital. I tried Kevin but got his voicemail. I tried not to panic as I called his mom to come be with my kids and took a shower. At this point, I still hadn’t reached Kevin, now it was snowing, and my contractions were getting worse, and I tried to hold back the tears. I called the hotel, and they said that their computers were down and told me to call back in 10-15 minutes. Sure, no rush. My mom left the hospital and was at my house within 30 minutes. She then called Kevin’s hotel and insisted they go to wake him. When they finally did, he called and asked if the baby was coming and if I could wait until he could get home. I knew this baby was coming whether or not we were ready, so I told him to do what he could.

The ride to the hospital was scary as the snow was really coming down, and I was having strong contractions as we slid down every road. My mom took me into the ER to be taken upstairs, as she parked the car. They made 3 calls before the slowest woman in the world came to get me. (Another person in no rush.) Upstairs, I was hooked up to the monitors and checked, and it was confirmed that I was definitely in labor and would have the baby some time that day. I was happy that my doctor was on call but getting increasingly nervous that my husband wasn’t going to make it.

Meanwhile, in Charlotte, Kevin booked the first flight home which was scheduled for 7:25. He got to the airport so early that security wasn’t even open yet. We talked via Facetime at 5am, and it was the only time I’ve ever heard an airport so quiet. Seeing his face sent me into tears (again) as he sat helpless at the terminal, wanting to be with me as much as I wanted him there.

My labor was progressing slowly (coming in at 4 cm and only getting to 5-6 in the first few hours), but I was thankful for the time as I awaited Kevin’s arrival. The story of the husband stuck in Charlotte spread quickly to the staff, and although everyone tried to be supportive by telling me I could do it on my own, I was sad and nervous and praying that we could hold out long enough. As I lay in bed and listened to the monitors, I noticed that the baby’s heart rate sounded slow whenever I had a contraction. After checking on me, the resident doctor decided that the cord was wrapped or caught somewhere, and they performed an amnio infusion to correct the problem. Talk of a c-section worried me, and I hoped that we wouldn’t get to that point.

My doctor was scheduled to be off at 8am, and we were approaching that point, but after the relationship that she and I have built over the past 5 years, she decided to stay and see me through this delivery. I will always be grateful to her for that. She had a conference call scheduled for 8:30, but I knew that Kevin was going to land around 9 and could be at the hospital by 9:30, so she pushed back her call, and said we would make it work. The infusion helped, and the baby was doing great, so my doctor checked me around 8am and found that I was completely dilated. I begged to wait as long as possible for Kevin. However, looking at my mom’s face, I knew something was wrong. Kevin’s flight hadn’t taken off and he didn’t know when it would. I was devastated. It didn’t look like he would make it in time, and there was nothing we could do. I called him, and we cried together over the phone. I told him that the baby and I couldn’t wait any longer. Both of our hearts were hurting. He told me that he bought a WiFi plan and if they made it to 10,000 feet by the time, he would be able to FaceTime us during the birth. Everyone on the plane, like everyone at the hospital, knew our story, after Kevin cried to the flight attendant, and told the crew that if they didn’t take off soon, they would have to open the doors and let him off the plane.

Since we knew Kevin wasn’t going to make it, my sister arranged for a neighbor to watch her kids, so she could be with me. As she raced to the hospital in the snow, and ran from the parking garage into the hospital and up to my room, she kept my mom posted. It was nearing 9am, and I knew we couldn’t wait much longer for her. She came into the room at 8:55, and I started pushing at 8:56. Our son was born 8 minutes later, at 9:04 am. Kevin’s flight had finally taken off, but the connection was bad and all we saw were frozen pictures of each other. When I held my son for the first time, I cried tears of happiness over meeting him, but also sad tears from missing his father.

It was important to have Kevin meet his son before sharing any details. I didn’t tell my mom or sister the baby’s name, and no one outside of that hospital room even knew the baby was born. Kevin landed about half an hour after the birth, sprinted through the airport and didn’t even go to get his car, opting to take a taxi from the airport. He told me later that the driver got out to clean off his windshield and another driver shouted at him to get this man, whose wife is in labor, to the hospital. I can only imagine that scene.

Around 10:15, we heard heavy footsteps coming down the hall, and Kevin burst into the room. His face was red and he was drenched in sweat, and we both started crying again at the sight of each other. I told him to go meet his son, but he kissed me first, and then went to get the baby from the nurse. The room cleared, and I watched as my husband fell in love for the 3^rd time with one of our children.

Kevin asked me if the baby would hold it against him that he wasn’t there. I laughed at the thought, because I knew that this incredible father was the only one who would hold himself accountable for what happened. I told him that the only thing that mattered was that he would be our son’s father for the rest of his life. And I thought about what a crazy but wonderful birth story our baby would now have.

It wasn’t until my mom and sister returned to the room that we finally called our son by his name for the first time- Chase Michael Tinsley. A perfect little miracle that was somehow meant to be, and we are now forever changed.

Itchy

To avoid the craziness that is dinner time while my husband is away, he suggested I grab something for the kids and me tonight. Not having to come home and cook sounded appealing, so I decided to take him up on it. When I picked them up, I asked Cole what he wanted and although he said a cheeseburger, my pregnancy cravings steered him to Chick-fil-a. He asked if we could eat there, and I thought sure, we can do that. No clean up at home. Keep them out of the house and out of trouble. Maybe.

They were actually pretty good while we ate, but Cole was eyeing up the indoor play area, and I knew we weren't getting out of there without at least a few minutes of climbing. That being said, I hate these things. I know hate is a strong word, but they make me feel annoyed and tense and itchy. Yes, itchy.

I braced myself as we went in and then let my kids go. Less than 30 seconds before the first kid banged into me. Actually jumped up on the bench where I was sitting and fell on me. Great. And where were her parents? Watching from right outside that little hot box and smiling. No, I'm fine, thanks for asking. Because of course, I was the only parent in there. Like usual. Of course, since half the kids appeared to be pre- adolescent, I guess they didn't need chaperones. I quickly decided that Chloe was entirely too little to be running around with all of the big kids, so I alternated holding her and pushing her towards the "toddler area" where an 8 year old was matching up the spinning animals on the wall and yelling at my 4 year old for touching them. Good times.

After no more than 15 minutes, I had had enough and told Cole we were leaving. It was a miracle that no one had plowed over either of my kids as is the norm, but it was still time to go. As we exited, I took advantage of the wet wipes and disinfected all of us. Cole loudly announced, "Yum, this smells like a shot!" No idea what that meant, but I just kept my head down. Back to the table for shoes and clean up, and Cole started playing with a vase on the table. "Is there water in this?" "Yes, don't touch it." I look down at Chloe's feet and the contents of the vase are swimming across the table. Of course. Quick clean up of the puddle and we are almost out the door.

And then the power goes out. Half the people in there are escaping their own homes that are powerless from the recent bad weather, and now these families are sitting in the dark in Chick-fil-a of all places. I pull my kids to the door and escape as quickly as I can. Cole asks, "Can we come here next time?" Sure, buddy, we'll be back really soon.

*** There are only pictures of my kids in order to protect the "innocent."

Day 1

Today starts an interesting new chapter for our family. My husband is in a new position in his company which will require him to travel more than he ever has before. I'm happy and excited for him, but I've definitely been thinking about the effect this will have on all of us, with 2 young kids and a 3^rd due to make his arrival any day now. This is how Day 1 went.

Normally, I go into work late on Mondays, but I was actually scheduled to be off today, which was really nice with the impending weather. Both kids had their share of Super Bowl fun, so after kissing Daddy goodbye around 6:30 this morning, we all slept in until 9:30! So nice for this very pregnant mom to get some extra sleep. Our plan was to eat breakfast and get ready to go out for the day- picking up a couple baby things at Target and then to NJ to meet up with my sister. I looked outside and saw that the snow had different plans for us. Yuck. The new plan was not to go stir crazy.

Being silly the camera

I made breakfast and told the kids they could eat in front of the tv today. First broken rule of the day. Chloe started off by taking food that wasn’t hers, climbing on everyone and hitting. First time out of the day. Back to breakfast, and I’m talking to Cole when Chloe knocks over her tray table, all the food on it and somehow manages to flip herself off the couch on top of the mess. First tears and injury of the day. Meanwhile, I’m hearing from Kevin that he is sitting on the runway in Philly, while I’m feeling my first Braxton Hicks of this pregnancy and praying that that’s all it is. (It was.) Oh, and Cole asks how soon until Daddy comes home. Thursday is a long way off for all of us at this point.

Hiding from Mommy

Cuddle time with their baby brother

After breakfast, Cole asks to play Madden on the Wii- his new obsession. This is an unusual day, so we’re breaking more rules, and I say yes to electronics at 10am. He plays that while Chloe occupies herself with her toys, so I take advantage of the time to check work emails. Well, neither of them like that idea because Cole feels the need to yell to me about every single play he makes, so that “good job, Buddy” becomes the only thing I say for what seems like forever, and Chloe follows me in wearing Cole’s shoes and tries to climb on my lap.

Back to the living room for more playing, followed by Chloe going down for a nap, and Mommy sorting and organizing baby clothes. The batteries in the Wii remote go, and we have a break from hearing, “I got a touchdown!” for the time being. After Chloe wakes up, we have lunch which is fairly uneventful, except that I can tell all 3 of us are already getting cabin fever. I need a plan. I look outside and the snow has slowed way down and our streets are cleared. I decide we’re making a break for it. I text and call my sister, but no answer, so I decide on Target. The kids are just excited to be going somewhere.

Highlights from our shopping trip- we use the bathroom hand dryers for wet shoes (mommy hack of the day), Cole picks an outfit for his baby brother, the kids try on hats to send pictures to Daddy, and we raid the dollar bins (where Mommy comes off like Santa without having to break the bank).

Trying on hats

My poor injured baby (looks worse in person) 

Pretending to nap in the cart

Real nap on the way home

We head home and all go down for naps. It’s after 4 by this time, so we’re breaking the late day nap rule, and I know I’ll pay for it later, but I just can’t help myself. Chloe and I get up at 5:30 and Cole not until 6. We have leftovers for dinner and my normally picky eater (Cole) scarfs down his dinner while my good eater (Chloe) refuses to eat anything until I put a cupcake on her plate with her stromboli and carrots. That and juice boxes with dinner, and we have 2 more broken rules but happy kids.

Eyeing up her dinner of stromboli, carrots & cupcake

Cole insists on a family bath after dinner, so we all hop in together and send more pictures to Daddy (I'll keep those for us), so he doesn't feel like he’s missing out. Pajamas and books, everything laid out for tomorrow, bags by the front door, and I'm feeling pretty satisfied that the night will end well. (Besides a lot of questions from Cole about when Daddy will be home and wanting to wait up for him. Sigh.) Of course, I should know better because Mommy's Law is just like Murphy’s Law and it’s now 10pm, and both kids are still awake. After an hour of trying to get Cole settled in his bed, he’s now lying in mine because Chloe won’t stop talking. I'm hoping that the separation leads to some sleep for all of us. Wishful thinking but it’s my only solution for now. Until tomorrow…

Christmas “Vacation”

Last night, as I was putting Cole to bed and he was giving me a hard time (as is his norm lately), I told him that we had a very nice Christmas vacation all together, but that he is going back to school tomorrow and has to get a good night’s sleep. He said, “Vacation? Where did we go?”

So I had to explain that a vacation doesn't always mean going somewhere, but that Mommy and Daddy were off from work and we were all home spending time together and that can be a vacation, too. And then I thought that even with Christmas and New Year’s, it was just all the simple moments that made my 12 days home with my family so great. Here are some highlights...

Hanging out on Mommy & Daddy's bed

Waiting to hear their brother's heartbeat

BFF Christmas cuddles

Listening to big brother read

Playing Madden on the Wii

Very excited to own his new favorite Christmas movie

Girl time

Painting toes for NYE

Trying out our new suitcases

Lunch date w/ Aunt Kate & Olivia

Little Doc McStuffins

"Arrr matey!"

What's in a name?

Any pregnant woman can tell you that we get the same questions over and over again.

When are you due?

Do you know what you’re having?

Have you decided on a name?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love pregnancy and babies, and I don’t fault people for asking these questions. I’m sure I’ve asked them to other women tons of times. And it’s not so much that I mind answering them. It’s just that the last one can be kind of tricky.

Everyone has an opinion on what you should name your baby. And some people are not even a little bit shy about sharing their opinion with you. “You want to name your baby what?!” “Have you thought about…?” “How would you spell…?”

I think that giving someone the name that they will have for the rest of his or her life is a really big deal, and it’s not something that I take lightly. But I think that I need to learn my lesson about discussing baby names unless I am prepared for the faces, questions and possible judgments that I may encounter.

Some people thought that it was strange that we kept my daughter’s name virtually secret until she was born, but every time I mention a name for this baby, I am reminded why. So while we may go with another “C” name (not something that was ever planned) or we may name the baby the same name as someone who happens to play a sport somewhere (no, my son was not named after Cole Hamels), I think that for now, we’ll just be happy to call this little guy Baby Tinsley. No one can make a face about that. 

Humble Christmas Brag Letter

I was reading a blog about the "Humble" Christmas Brag Letter and thought that I wanted to write one this year. Now, I did not have the same idea in mind as this person was talking about... or I should say making fun of. I didn't want to write about how wonderful my life is or gush about my perfect children. (I love them, but they have their moments. Haha.) But I did have some things that I wanted to reflect upon and share and thought that this would be a good forum. And because today, 12/12, as some significance to me, I wanted to share it today rather than wait until the end of the year.

Last year, around this time, I had a medical scare. I didn't post about it or share it with a ton of people, because it was personal, and I think I put enough of my business out there as it is, but it was a tough time for me and my family. On 12/12/12, I went in for surgery. One year ago today. It was scary, and we didn't know what was going to happen, but luckily, things went well, and shortly after, we got the call from the doctor that everything was a success. I still worry that something may recur, and I may always have that fear, but after getting a clean bill of health, I know that I have a lot to be thankful for.

I went into 2013 grateful, and not expecting much from the year. I was actually looking forward to it being quiet after my medical scare, a big loss in our family and the birth of our daughter all happening in 2012. I had no idea what we were in store for. 

Earlier this year, both Kevin and I earned promotions at work. After each putting in a few years at our respective jobs, this was a happy reward. In June, we both pushed ourselves physically and mentally to complete a Tough Mudder, arguably the most difficult race on the planet. We finished with a group of over 20 people and now have this accomplishment that we will never forget. That same month, our daughter Chloe turned 1 which of course came way too soon, but we celebrated with a great party at our house (another first for us). The end of the summer saw us taking Cole to preschool for the first time. Another event in our lives coming way too soon, but he loves it and is thriving, and we couldn't be prouder. 

As the fall approached, we were preparing for 2 weddings that would take us away. Kevin's brother, in 

Florida, and Kevin's oldest friend, in Mexico. Having not taken a vacation together since our honeymoon, we were thrilled to be able to have the time and help needed for these trips. Then on October 21st, we received the biggest shock of all when we found out that we were pregnant with our 3rd child. Yes, our 3rd in 4 years! Not only that, but I was already halfway through my pregnancy. This was mind blowing and unexpected and hard for us to wrap our heads around. But whether you believe in a higher being or some kind of destiny, we now know that this baby is meant to be. After the loss of Kevin's brother and not even knowing if we could have any more children after my medical history, this tiny little blessing came to be, and we couldn't be happier and more excited to meet our son in February. 

Now that I've written all of this, maybe it does sound a little braggy or boastful, but like I said, our life isn't perfect. We struggle just like every other family. But what I do know is that we are extremely lucky, too. One year ago today, I didn't know what my fate would be. And today, I was able to hear my son's heartbeat. This Christmas, that is the greatest gift I could have ever hoped for.

Merry Christmas to all!!!

Just a number?

On a couple occasions now, Cole has told me how he is going to be 4 soon and will be too big for me. (I know; break a mother’s heart.) Last night, he was telling me again, and I told him (as I always do) that I don’t want him to grow up. This is how the rest of the conversation went:

Cole- “You want to keep me 3 like this forever?”

Me- “Yes, I love you being 3.”

Cole- “I want to keep you just like you are, too.”

Me- “How old do you think Mommy is?”

Cole (looks at me thoughtfully) - “15?”

Me- “Aww, you’re the best. Close, but actually, you are 3 and Mommy is 33.”

Cole (with big eyes) – “Wow, that’s a lot like all the way to outer space.”

Age perception by a 3 year old.

Career Predictions

One of the ideas that I saw and almost adopted for our first day of school picture was to ask Cole what he wants to be when he grows up. But because I didn't think that my 3 year old knew much about jobs or careers, I decided to skip that.

But of course, we've always wondered what he will be when he grows up. When he was born, we thought that Cole Tinsley sounded like a quarterback's name, and if you throw in his middle name Martin, he could then retire as a Senator. Walking in Philly with him one day as a baby, a drunk homeless man declared our son the future president of the United States. Thank you, sir.

I did have Cole tell me once last year that he wanted to be a doctor. When I asked him what kind, he told me a heart doctor. I'm under no delusions that this kid can yet say, not alone spell, cardiologist, but I appreciate the lofty aspirations.

Now that Cole is more than slightly obsessed with anything sports related and seems to be getting better and better, athletically speaking, his dad likes to tell him that he'll be our retirement one day with some sports career or another. (We can only hope.)

Then tonight at Wawa when he was in a silly and hyper mode, several women remarked on what a happy kid he is, one claiming that he has so much personality that he's going to be mayor someday. I could only think how extremely proud that one would make his politically involved father. And when we got home and it started raining, Cole said, "I knew it was going to rain because I looked out the window!" (Sounds qualified to be a weatherman to me.)

The final prediction Cole made himself. As I was contemplating my 3 year old's future as an all star athlete, politician and meteorologist, I asked him what he wanted to be when he grows up. He shrugged, smiled and replied simply, "Daddy."

1st Day

For those of you who regularly read my blogs (or just know me), I have a tendency to get overemotional about a lot... especially anything dealing with my kids. So yesterday was definitely a tough one for me.

I don't even know if Cole was born yet when we started talking about preschools and where we would one day send him. We always had our number one choice in mind, so the fact that Cole started there yesterday is a crazy reality. I wanted to document our day so that I wouldn't forget my little man's first day of preschool.

Typically, Kevin does drop off on Tuesdays, but because he had a meeting (and I may have begged to take Cole to his first day), I took both kids. On any other day that I do drop off, I find myself running late, in the midst of some kind of chaos, dragging 2 kids and about 10 bags out the front door. Yesterday was no exception, just amplified.

Both kids woke up somewhere between 6:30-7 which is pretty typical for them. They usually don't have breakfast until they get to daycare, but Cole's school doesn't do breakfast, so that was the first twist in the day. (I'd like to thank the inventor of frozen pancakes for the assist here!) Luckily, Chloe is now big enough to sit with her brother, watch tv (my morning babysitter) and eat breakfast. This gave me time to get ready and then get them dressed. At some point during this time, Kevin left for work but gave helped me out by carrying half of the daily bags out to my car and taking out the trash. Huge help!

I had laid out clothes for both kids the night before, but of course Cole's shirt had a stain that I had missed which sent us back to the drawing board with him. He must have been very excited about school because he didn't give me a hard time when I redressed him 3 times. And then he put his shoes on without my asking (this is an every other day battle) and combed his hair (a first). Of course, my mommy OCD had me reaching to smooth his cowlick, but he got upset and told me not to mess it up. Okay, big man.

My goal was to get out the door at 7:30 but knowing that we typically run closer to 8, our 7:40 departure was a pretty big victory. A brief stop out front to take the obligatory "my first day" picture. The next decision to make was who to drop first. We pass Cole's school on the way to daycare but I would pass it again on my way to work. Okay, who is easier to transport in and out. Cole. Done. We'll drop Chloe first. This almost caused a meltdown from the preschooler who just wanted to get there already, but I quickly turned him around with some Mommy psychology.

When we got to daycare, Cole ran in and yelled, "I'm going to Neumann!" Yes, this is one excited kid. Knowing my son so well, the sitter told him to use his listening ears when he gets there. Thank you for that. We dropped Chloe and we were back in the car in just a few minutes.

Knowing that his best friend was going to school with him, Cole found her car as soon as we pulled up and got even more excited. Of course, crazy mom that I am, I wouldn't let him go in until we got a picture in front of the sign for the school (opposite end of the entrance). He luckily obliged and then grabbed my hand (melt my heart) and we went in. Fortunately for Cole (unfortunately for his emotional mother), he found his best friend shortly after entering and forgot about me right away. Well, that didn't take long. I took his book bag over to his hook. Hmm, everyone else just had their spare clothes in a plastic bag. Okay, I did that. I take out the bag, proud of myself for remembering to put his name on it. Mental note that our plastic bag is 5 times the size of the other kids' and I'm already getting a complex. Okay, plastic bag back in the book bag. Arrange it just so on the hook. Put his sleeping bag on the floor under the hook. Okay, now what. Cole is playing. Well, I guess that's good. I find the sign in sheet and initial that I'm dropping him and go to say goodbye.

Okay, here it goes. Be strong, Cole. Be strong, Mommy. I tell him I have to go to work. He continues to play for a few seconds and then says, "okay, I'll kiss you" and plants a big one on me. Good, he still loves me. I head towards the exit, check the lunch menu on the way out (delaying the inevitable) and walk outside. I choke back a few tears but by the time I'm in my car, it's ugly cry time. Oh, man. What is it about this kid that gets me so worked up?

I feel a little better when I get an email from his friend's mom halfway through the day asking if I have their daily schedule with me because she is thinking about what they are doing. Big sigh of relief that I'm not the only one. Note to self to get schedule from hubby that night. Said hubby calls late afternoon to say he can pick up the kids. Usually a big help but I'm a little disappointed that I won't be the first to hear about Cole's day. Luckily, they call me on the way home. The answer to my questions- "Stop! I'm trying to relax!" Um, ouch. We all meet up at home where my now big man asks to play outside with the neighbor's daughter. There it is. One day of preschool and he's grown up and moving on with his life. Of course, he'll always be my little man.

I'm a man!

As a society, I think we expect certain things for each gender. Our boys are supposed to be rough and play sports and our girls are supposed to wear dresses and play with dolls. Right or wrong, these are stereotypes for a reason. Of course, our children aren't born understanding their roles or what gender is or how they are supposed to act, but somehow they learn. (Okay, we know how, but as parents, we can’t help it sometimes.) So while I will try to teach my son to be sensitive and I hope my daughter grows up loving Sunday football, I know that they will inevitably fall into (at least some of) the gender stereotypes. And how do I know? 

Well, you could say it’s already starting.

A few days ago, we were at my parents’ house, and Cole tells his 5 year old (female) cousin who is enjoying a Gatorade that girls aren't allowed to drink Gatorade. Umm, okay.

I took the opportunity to ask him what else girls and boys aren't allowed to do. His answers:

Girls aren't allowed to have cigars.

Girls aren't allowed to go outside (where Cole and Daddy have guy time).

Boys aren't allowed to go to sleep. (Convenient for my nocturnal 3 year old.)

I asked him if there were other things that boys and girls can/can’t do and he said:

“I don’t know; figure it out.”

Appalled, I asked him why he would say that.

“Because I’m a man!”

Well, of course you are. So that is now Cole’s favorite response to everything.

Cole, why did you push your sister?

Because I’m a man.

Cole, can you put your clothes in the hamper?

No, because I’m a man.

Cole, can you get your sister's bottle for me?

You get it. I'm a man.

And the question that gets asked 50 times a day...

Cole, why did you do that?!

I'm a man!

You get the chauvinistic (although still adorable) picture.